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In almost every couples practice, there’s a familiar scene: one partner feels overwhelmed and wants to talk right now (in order to process, to understand, to feel close again), and the other feels just as overwhelmed, but their instinct is the opposite: they want to shut down, take space, make the feelings smaller so they don’t spill over.
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There is something I notice from time to time in couples who come to see me, a pause when one partner says: “We give each other space” or “We are good at surviving on our own” and the other’s face softens in a way that looks more like sadness than pride.