My cousin announced that he is getting married. I’ve been waiting two years for this moment. I remember my traditional 93-year-old grandpa said, “Your uncle got you gold, you have to get your cousin’s gold back.” It was two years ago, and my grandpa had been waiting for this wedding to happen. This gold tradition makes no sense. My mother calls me, “Hello, your cousin is getting married, I’m going to give them $3000.” This makes no sense, I do not know of any wedding where you give $3000. Why are we giving $3000?! My mother said, “That’s how much gold costs. I called my uncle. Do I have to give gold? Please let me know. My uncle explained to me, “No, your mother has to give gold back, but you are okay, it’s the older generation, a small red envelope would do.
I’ve spent thousands on plane tickets, and don’t want to spend a few more thousand to get gold when gold is a an all-time high. I took out the tacky big Gold Bangles that read luck all over them that my uncle brought for my wedding, and also my swan gold necklace, my grandpa brought me. I had an idea! I thought, why don’t I sell my useless gold bangles sitting in my closet for years, so I can buy Gold for my cousin’s wedding.
I started researching Gold on Google and asking my father-in-law and mother-in-law. There’s a gold market, and people invest in Gold. For years, I did not understand why I got gold for my wedding and wish I could’ve just been given money, which is more useful. I checked the receipt and realized my uncle spent $1300 on the Gold Bangles in 2021, and it was 999.9. What is 999.9? I had to Google it and found it is equivalent to 24K gold. What is 24K? I asked Google, and I found out it was pure gold. It felt so malleable and cheap in my arms, and the gold necklace was so scratchy, I could not believe it was worth so much money. It was sitting in my closet with a pile of old clothes in the laundry bag like trash. Underappreciated and collecting dust.
I was on Reddit and Google, and I realized that the tradition of gifting gold to women is for hard times like recessions, when money is not worth anything, and women can sell the gold and use it to leave a bad situation. That night, I could not sleep. Should I sell the gold or not? Gold prices have doubled since the time I received my gold until now.
I went to the diamond and gold district and was quoted $2,246 for .27 grams of gold and another $700 for my gold necklace. I decided to keep my gold necklace because it was wearable and because it was from my sweet grandpa, who took care of me. But the gold wedding bangles were too tacky and served no purpose but to sit in my closet. I sold my gold bangles, but it left me with such deep appreciation for my wedding gift that my uncle gave me. It’s through selling my gold bangles, I realized how much my family loves me. I think my uncle wanted me to feel loved and valued, and have this gold as a blessing and family heirloom. I would never tell my uncle who sold his gold bangles and invested them in high-yield savings instead, but no regrets. My parents did not gift me gold, but just small red envelopes for my wedding. One parent did not even show up, but I think my uncle and grandfather gifted me pure gold to show me how loved and valued I am, despite having a rough childhood and difficult, immature parents.
This whole process of selling gold was stressful, and I talked about it in therapy. My therapist told me, What a touching story, you should write a blog about it. You know what? I think I will! I initially did not want to write about this because it was too vulnerable and personal. Secondly, who the fuck cares about selling gold?
I wrote this for you.
I know stories like these are special and unique to Asian (Cantonese) American Woman would read this blog and feel like they can relate to this story, and how sometimes traditions are useless and meaningless but also when you look deeper into your culture and spend some time on google, you realize traditions and culture is all you have and its full of meaning and you develop appreciation and love for it. It’s so easy to miss the mark and feel resentful.
If this story touched you and you can relate to it, want to work with an Asian American woman therapist like me in New York City, reach out to me for a free intro call!
