I was on the subway and I heard a student share that their friends put their self-worth on academic performance and it triggered me. It reminded me of all those times I have cried and stressed out about studying, doing homework, and worried that I’ll be a bum if I don’t pass my SAT. It made me remember the summers spent in the basement of learning centers with no windows and bright white light. I sat in a sad hot van that picked me up to these learning centers and was forced to do math and reading. Also, let’s include the weekends stuck in a classroom learning Chinese and bible study too. I was a proud 6th-grade Chinese graduate.

It’s very easy to put self-worth into academic performance. Growing up Asian, my mom praised me for good grades and for getting into a good school. But I was always a free-spirited rebel, it was not until college I got my first D+ in anatomy and physiology (I am not a doctor!), and as you know according to the Asian Grading System, that means “don’t come home!” My mom wanted me to become an accountant, but I chose to major in environmental studies for my Bachelor’s. Then rebel and fighter in me went even further and studied social work. I wanted to change the world, and if I couldn’t then I wanted to heal the world.

I was always really good at school so my stepfather was super disappointed that I chose such a low-paying demanding field to work with “crazy people”. I’m really glad I ended up becoming a social worker and therapist but the path to get here was very difficult. There were times when my parents did not want to support me and I had to keep going anyway. There were times when I wanted to give up. As a child of immigrants, there’s pressure to pick the safe road because our parents suffered and sacrificed so much. However, the American education system has taught us to follow our dreams. It is complex. When do children of immigrants live out their dreams? When their parents pass away? Maybe.

If you grew up Asian with immigrants and you can relate to this post and want an Asian American therapist  in NYC or New Jersey to understand the pain of walking the road less traveled, please contact me to book a free 15-minute consultation. So we can undo the aloneness together.