Divorce, in the simplest of terms, is the ending of a marriage. But the true reach of divorce extends beyond just your relationship. It often feels like the core of who you are is being unravelled.

Maybe you spent years being a collective partnership rather than two individuals with unique attributes. Now that you're at the conclusion of your relationship, you're left wondering, "Who am I now?"

The identity crisis that often follows divorce is real, raw, exhausting, and honestly disorienting. You may find yourself second-guessing everything about your life, from what foods you actually enjoy to what goals you have for your life. After spending significant time considering another person's preferences and needs, you may have muffled your own.

The In-Between Phase

Following a divorce, there's this strange in-between phase where you're no longer considered married, but you're not exactly single either. Your day-to-day routines are changing. Your social circle may look a bit different from before. Suddenly, you're in a space where you're relearning how to be yourself.

As you go through your movements, you may notice things that no longer serve you. Are you still buying groceries for two? Do you avoid a particular restaurant because your ex didn't enjoy it? Certain habits that have become automatic can trigger waves of grief or negative emotions.

Grieving the Former Version of Yourself

If there's one thing about divorce that doesn't get enough attention, it's the grieving process. Not only are you grieving the loss of a relationship, but you're also mourning a version of you that is now gone.

Give yourself permission to grieve and feel whatever emotions come up, without judgment. You don't have to pretend that you're instantly thriving and ready to begin this new chapter. The pressure to hurry up and start this empowered journey of reinvention can feel more like an unwanted burden.

Small Steps Toward Yourself

Reclaiming your identity doesn't need to be anything drastic. Sometimes it starts with tiny experiments:

• Ordering what you want at restaurants without negotiating or considering someone else's preferences
• Saying no to social plans that drain you
• Spending a weekend doing absolutely nothing because you want to
• Redecorating your space in a way that reflects your taste and style
• Reconnecting with hobbies that you let go by the wayside during your marriage

Pay attention to the moments when you feel most like yourself. What are you doing? Who are you with? What makes you feel calm and present in the moment? The answers to these questions can guide you back to parts of yourself that have been pushed aside.

Try checking in with your body too. After a divorce, it's easy to spend a lot of time in our heads analyzing and overthinking. If we're not careful, we can become disconnected from our physical body. Your body often knows things your mind is still figuring out. Pay attention to what it's telling you.

Building a Life That Fits

As you move into this next phase of your life, you have an opportunity to build a life that reflects who you are now. That may involve changing careers, moving to a new neighborhood, or exploring interests that you've been curious about for years.

Rebuilding may also involve doing less than you're used to. If you've been operating at full speed, slowing down and creating more space in your life can be equally empowering.

You're not looking for perfection, nor are you having to create permanent habits. You're allowed to test out new things, change course, and keep evolving.

You are Not Alone

Rebuilding your sense of self after divorce takes time, and having support makes the journey less lonely. If you're struggling with identity loss, persistent grief, or feeling stuck in the aftermath of your divorce, let's chat to see if group therapy for divorce is right for you. Contact me to get started!