The best partner for an anxious attachment style is a partner with a secure attachment style. If the partner is consistent and reliable, this helps an anxiously attached partner be more secure in a relationship. I just want to stress that attachment styles are not constant and change depending on who you are with. Think of the attachment style as a mosaic.

Here are some tips though if you are in a relationship with someone with an anxious attachment style:

1) Most anxious attached people "feel" but not "deal", so it’s important to offer a sense of emotional space and safety for your partner to feel seen and heard. In other words, Listen and Reflect on What They Said.

2) Oftentimes, anxiously attached are preoccupied, and every problem feels like the end of the world. They feel too much and are reeling. They are looking for support and comfort. Be that comfort for them.

3) There is a lot of fear of losing you, and fear of abandonment, and being alone. It helps if there are words of affirmation that you are here with them. Reliability and Consistency is a must.

4) Notice high anxiety, for example, speaking fast, big sudden gestures, focus on other things. It’s important to focus and be grounded with your partner.

5) Be nurturing and help contain the heavy emotions as they seek others for consoling. It helps if you speak with firmness and direction.

6) Help your partner self-regulate with slow breathing, and have compassion and empathy for them. SLOW down with your voice, tone, and pace. "its ok.. It is ok.. it’s ok" (pat, pat, pat)

If you need an NYC relationship counseling therapist who understands you and helps you with relationship counseling, go ahead and please contact me.

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