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How To Heal From Anxious Attachment In Dating and Relationships
girl anxious and having her head down

Anxious Attachment describes an attachment you have when you date, and it can also trace back to your attachment with your caregivers. Some of the symptoms of anxious attachment are when the person you are dating doesn't answer your text message back, you worry and start spiraling into negative thoughts. You can constantly worrying and need reassurance that things are okay.

Here are some tips to heal from anxious attachment in dating and in relationships:

1) One thing is to be aware and identify that you have an anxious attachment, one book I recommend is Attached by Amir Levine, they have quizzes that you can take to assess what you have, you might have a combination of both.

2) If you do end up identifying as anxious attachment, one good way to heal from anxious attachment is conscious partnership with secure attached partners. Stay away from avoidant and anxious attached lovers. One way a secured partner shows up is that he/she/them will be consistent, if they show say they will show up, they will show up, and they don't play mind games or lie.

3) Journaling and figuring out where these fears come from, maybe it came from when you are baby, because when you cried, your parents ignored you, or told you to go to your room, and your emotions were never taken care of or mattered at all. Sometimes, in order to heal, relational trauma has to be addressed.

4) If you are anxious attachment style, make sure to give others space and time to respond. Taking a few steps back sometimes the other party may feel overwhelmed and need to recharge or think about what you said. If you get no response, it does that mean you are being rejected or the other person is not interested. During the no response period, take some time to self care such as meditate, journal, watch something funny, go for a walk, talk to a friend, breathe exercise or self soothing positive self talk. If someone doesn't respond right away, do not go to rejection mode or feel I am unwanted, or I will be alone forever, but instead the person is just busy. However, this tip is only useful for people in long term healthy relationships, for people who are dating or just started going on a few dates, if they do not respond to you more than 2 weeks, he/she is not probably not that interested in you and its time to move on.

5) Finally, doing some therapy to figure out your underlying issue behind the anxious attachment and learning and mirroring a secure attachment with your therapist is good idea. :)

Relationships and the process of dating can be difficult to navigate if you have anxious attachment style. Rather than letting that make you panic, contact us for a consultation to talk through it in relationship counseling.

Therapy with Shanni

Offering Virtual Therapy Throughout New York and In Person Therapy on the Upper West Side, NYC.

110 W96th St Suite 1D, New York, NY 10025 (Tuesdays & Fridays)
Call: (347) 631 8350
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