Discovering any type of infidelity is the last thing you want from your partner. Even after the initial shock passes, you're going to have unexpected triggers that come out of nowhere and hit you like a ton of bricks.

You hear a song on the radio. A picture comes across your phone. Your partner brings up a work trip. Suddenly, your heart and mind are in a downward spiral to the worst-case scenarios.

If you're dealing with infidelity triggers, your nervous system is doing its job, trying to protect you from repeating the cycle. Unfortunately, living in a constant state of high alert is exhausting. Here are some tried-and-true ways to reclaim control over your life.

Understanding Why Triggers Happen

Your brain remembers pain and trauma. Infidelity can shatter any sense of safety you had in your home environment. Whenever you come across anything that reminds you of this indiscretion, it's no surprise that your internal alarm kicks on.

Triggers can be situational, like your partner being on the phone, or more significant, like a specific time of day. These reactions have nothing to do with paranoia and everything to do with signaling that it's time for help. When left unchecked, your internal alarm system can keep you stuck in survival mode instead of healing these wounds.

Ground Yourself in the Present

When something triggers your system, your body is often the first thing to react. Your breathing becomes shallow, your chest feels tight, or sudden nausea overcomes you. Any sudden physical change can be a sign that your nervous system is activated.

Grounding exercises are a great way to immediately combat symptoms:

• Place your feet on the floor and notice the sensation of the ground beneath you
• Splash cold water on your face or hold onto an ice cube to jolt your senses
• Try naming five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
• Press your palms together, noticing the pressure between your hands

Not only will these be effective distractions, but they also signal to your system that you're safe and can relax.

Create Safety Through Communication

This may come as a surprise, but the worst part of living with infidelity triggers isn't the feelings that come up. More often than not, it's the isolation that you feel. The voice in your head tells you that talking about what's going on will make you seem difficult or sound like you're not over what happened.

Healing from infidelity isn't about rushing your feelings along or pushing them down. You need to rebuild trust and repair communication with your partner. When you feel triggered, allow yourself to have the hard moment.

If your partner is committed to rebuilding trust, they need to understand what makes you feel safe. Is there more transparency about their schedule or whereabouts? Is it more frequent check-ins? Your needs are valid and shouldn't be perceived as punishments. They're stepping stones on the path towards feeling whole again.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Healing isn't a linear process. We get so focused on the end result of getting better that we forget about the journey along the way. Some days will be more complex than others. You'll have days where you're finally feeling back to normal, then suddenly you find yourself right back in that moment where it all fell apart.

Let yourself feel the emotions that surface without any judgment. You've been through a real loss, and it can be a lot to process.

Moving Forward

Calming infidelity triggers isn't about pretending you're fine. It's about learning to regulate your nervous system and communicate your needs.

If you're struggling to navigate your partner's infidelity, you have options available. Relationship therapy can help you and your partner rebuild the foundation of your relationship and create a path forward.

Ready to get started? Contact me today.

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