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How Scarcity Mindset Shows Up in Dating And How Abundance Mindset Can Help You
women daydreaming with man in the back

Happy Monday and I hope y'all have a wonderful thanksgiving day with your family. Today was a hard day getting back to work, checking emails and start working again. I wanted to take a quick moment and just write about this new concept I learn call Scarcity Mindset and how it has helped me raised my fee and get real about money, and I realized it also applies to dating(sorry about this run on sentence lol).

I am a child of Chinese immigrants, and like many of us, our parents from China survived famine, wars and poverty from the mother country. Our parents have taught us to not waste food or be very grateful for the job or whatever we received growing up. Scarcity Mindset is a thinking that we have to hold on to whatever we can get because the world is lacking.

This also applies to dating, when you go out on dates with men or women, you get attached too soon and think they are the "one" and cannot let them go. There's a saying "desperation repels, but abundance attracts."

I have this dim sum metaphor for scarcity mindset. Dating is like when the Chinese lady pushes out the cart and want to you take all the plates of fried and sweet food that are hard to sell. By the fourth plate, you are full, and when the delicious fresh out the oven egg tart comes, it is gone. Somebody with the scarcity mindset would take whatever the dim sum cart lady give, but someone with the abundance mindset knows that there's plenty of dishes, and they will still be around, but is asking the waiter or waitress for the egg tart.

High Confident Desirable Men and Women with abundance mindset will ask for what they want and are not afraid say "no". For example, Song Ji A from Netflix show Singles Inferno. She is not only beautiful but she had an abundance mindset that got all the men chasing and falling for her in the dating show. Ji A never settled too soon or got attached too soon to one guy. She was curious and exploring what's out there and that made her very attractive. She knew even if it didn't work out in the dating show, she would have an abundance of suitors. Abundance Mindset is sexy.

How can you apply abundance mindset when you are dating? Especially if you grew up with a scarity mindset or with parents that taught you that?

First of all, I want you to imagine an apple tree, and the abundance of apples, Mother Nature keeps growing more and more apples, and it's free. This is the image I want you to think about whenever you feel scarcity. You only need one partner, and there are a lot of apples, pick the sweetest and juiciest one!

Secondly, I think it's helpful to practice abundance mindset in other areas in your life, for example: job, shopping, friendships. That means asking for what you want, and saying "no" if it doesn't work for you. Setting boundaries and asking for respect are all good ways to to show you are someone worthy of dating.

Lastly, relationship counseling can help you work through scarcity mindset. If you seek an relationship therapist It can help you in therapy to heal the trauma of scarity mindset, and declutter it out of you. If you are interested in learning more about how I work with you in relationship counseling, please contact me.

Happy Dating!

Therapy with Shanni

Offering Virtual Therapy Throughout New York and In Person Therapy on the Upper West Side, NYC.

110 W96th St Suite 1D, New York, NY 10025 (Tuesdays & Fridays)
Call: (347) 631 8350
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