I can't believe it’s been 8 years since year became a therapist. And three years since I opened up my private practice, and 1 year since I got my full-time office in the Upper West Side. I still battle with imposter syndrome and that I don't deserve it or things will crumble and fall apart. But my therapist reminds me that I'm ahead of a lot of people. I started my business in my bedroom in 2021 during the pandemic, seeing clients after my full-time job. I had very little resources and had no idea how to run a business. I started networking for my business and building a community and I realized, that dating and networking are not so different from each other. I wanted to share 10 things that I learned when I decided to specialize and help single women and men survive dating and find love because it’s tough out there with ghosting, open relationships, situationships, etc.
1) Put yourself out there, do it anyway! I have clients I've worked with say, I'll date when I lose weight, or I'll date when I'm less busy with work, there's never a perfect time to date, you just have to consistently put yourself out there. I started networking last year to expand my community and support, and I realize it is not so different from dating. You have to put yourself out there, and sometimes it’s a hit, and sometimes it’s a miss. Accept your flaws and be comfortable showing all parts of yourself, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
2) Building a relationship takes time and effort. When you go on dates, take time to get to know them and find out more about the person. Of course, if there is no chemistry then forget it.
3) Don't rely on free stuff to heal your dating trauma (breakup, cheating, anxious attachment), invest in a good therapist who knows the ins and outs of dating with her eyes closed, and a therapist who gets you and is nonjudgemental, and understands and trained in relational trauma and attachment theory. Invest in paid help, hire a dating coach, hire a matchmaker, hire a makeup artist or a stylist. looks matter and you have to put your best self forward on the first date. Pay a little more for premium dating apps that allow you to have top picks.
4) Work on having an Abundance Mindset and not a Scarcity Mindset when it comes to dating. Men and Women can feel your desperation and want to run. You will stand out when you are not desperate, and think there is a sea of people that are the right fit for you. Potential dates can feel your energy and your confidence and find you very attractive.
5) Eat rejections like cereals for breakfast or avocado toast. I always say God's rejection is God's protection. Sometimes you dodge a bullet when someone rejects you or shows them their true colors. Get used to rejection, and don't take it personally.
6) Less is more. Do not stretch yourself thin by doing a million things, focus on one thing and put 100% into it. For example, if your goal is to get three dates, you can focus just on dating apps for the month or going out to networking events only for the next month. You need a strategy so you don't burn out from dating.
7) Experiment. Do things you never would do. I met my husband when he broke his computer and he went to a karaoke meetup. Mix it up and try different things, you can ask your friends if they know anyone for you, or get creative, start a mixer and invite all your single friends so people are vetted and you can meet people more organically, join meetups for similar hobbies and interest, go to group events.
8) Get Help. You don't have to do it by yourself. Your parent's dating advice is outdated. LOL sorry! And your married friend's dating advice is outdated as well, times have changed a lot. Don't start with no support and scratch. A therapist can be useful in that I can see your blind spots and help you heal your trauma and attachment so you are free from relationship anxiety when you do go out there and date. Think of me as a guide so you bump into holes haha.
9) Don't Give Up. Keep going, consistency is key. It’s a numbers game. Don't freak out if there's a dry spell or you aren't getting as many dates on the app, there will be ups and downs just like SP500, you want to know what is working and what is not!
10) Figure out what you want, and need in a relationship before going into a relationship. You will be surprised but many people do not feel safe in a relationship, let alone safe in their bodies, it is important to learn your boundaries (that includes, sexual, physical, time, money, and emotional) before you start dating because often we over accommodate and give a lot of ourselves when we fall in love. For example, if you know children are what you want, you want to make sure when you start dating, that the person you are dating also wants to have a child, otherwise it will not work.
I know dating sucks and it’s miserable, but you do not have to do it alone, let me help you! Please contact me! You do not have to do it alone.
relationship counseling can be very effective. Contact me and book a free 15-minute phone consultation, you have nothing to lose! It is free.
